finally dec is here... this is the last and final stretch of seperation.... just 18 days until i see you again... am really looking forward to seeing you at the airport and giving you a big hug and a kiss regardless of who is there with me...sometimes it feels a bit surreal like is this happening to me? am i really getting married.... i have to pinch myself to make sure that this is happening...but deep down i know this is meant to be... you are 'The One" corny as that may sound... i swear i am so sure than corniness is contagious...1 thing i know for sure.... even though I know that things arent always going to be this smooth and sweet I love you more than I have loved anyone...and that makes everything worthwhile for me

it was a funny feeling when i read your "new name" on the checkbook box... as much as you prepare yourself for the big day, it's little things like these that really drive the point home... i thought, it wouldn't be until wedding day, or the day i landed in india that the thunderbolt would strike me, and i would freak out and shiver and have an life altering nervous breakdown... :0 of course, exaggerating a bit here, but you get the drift - i was preparing myself for some kind a of nervous feeling a couple of days before the BIG day... i don't even know if "nervous" is the right word, cuz it implies some negativity and stress... its more "butterflies in the stomach" type of feeling... "can't believe it's finally happening" kind of a feeling... i don't know why i am going great lengths to describe it... you know exactly what i am talking about... :-)

so, when i saw the name of the checkbook, all kinds of emotions and thoughts crossed my mind... some that i could latch on to, and others which i couldn't comprehend... i recall thinking, "boy! you become a man now, your name is now someone's middle name"... that's an awesome feeling in some ways... you suddenly feel so grown up and important... the immediate next thought was far less ethereal and totally unromantic - i was like - does a person with this even legally exist?

just some random thoughts... i have inferred that i am beyond the point of freakin out... i like you too much that thoughts like these don't even seem to touch me...

love you ya!

marriage.... well before i met you i thought it was something i would only hear about never really experience first hand.... there were a lot of misses... chances that i didnt want to take or that people didnt want to take with me...but now that i am on the threshold (so to speak) i find that i am looking forward to it with a lot of excitement...i realised one thing that for the first time in my life i can just be myself and thats enough for you.... all this time either i have tried to be something i am not or the person has wanted me to curb certain aspects of my personality... but with you i am just myself, warts and all and you still think i am pretty cool... where have you been all my life ya?

i cant remember the last time when i have been so happy!! it seems honestly like everything looks better, people are happier and like we are living in this small world of two people..today when i was out for a walk i saw the cutest thing, it was this older couple maybe around 70 or more and they were holding hands and walking... was thinking that thats how i want to be with you like 30 years from now..
still no more freaking out... although i think almost everything that i own barring of course my tv and cell fone has been packed off to you, all i could think was great, now we are on the way.... its coming closer and closer...

sweets all i can say is that i am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you, growing old with you, raising kids with you (although i maintain that the poor kids are going to have 2 of the most random parents) waking up next to you everyday, calming you down when you get upset, laughing at all your bad jokes... even the good ones that i pretend are bad....i love you more than anything in this world and i thank God that He sent you to me....

so now the big day is drawing closer and closer and i know i should be freaking out now more than ever but somehow there is absolute calm.... i never thought that i would be so happy to get married and move back to the us....funny how life takes us down these roads.... last year i vowed that i would never go back to the us....just goes to show never say never

I am looking forward to so many things in life, but none more so than landing in mumbai on the 18th night and holding my sweetheart in my arms... i love you...

the jindal purge as i like to call it, is like cleaning the dust off the light bulb... the smile is more electric than ever, and boy does the bulb look hot.... EWWWWWWWW! :-)

light bulb analogies aside - glowing and radiant are the words that come to mind...

some poojaisms for posterity

- i can be "suckubai"
- i wish i could "give you a hand", but what to do
- called you "ji" cuz it didn't seem apt to call you "a-ho"

relief... i know that when we argue or disagree i think we wil be able to resolve things.... this gives me a lot of hope.... feel much better now...when i say that i am stuck in limbo it is so true.... i am not here 100% because my heart is with you although physically i am here.... its this waiting for things to happen and then i can move on with my life.... i am waiting for this month to pass quickly which i think it will....

so today when i was flying from bangalore to pune, i guess it really sunk in.... the fact that i am going to be leaving this place that i now call home.... all my life i have been a bit of a restless wanderer but somehow in this small city i have found myself and my peace... it struck me that i am not going to be calling this city home for much longer... you were partying in nyc and somehow i just needed to be alone... didnt want to talk or chat or anything... when i came in i felt relief mixed with sadness that i am not going to be here any longer.... u actually picked up on it but i didnt want to get into a major discussion while you were at ur friends place in nyc so i brushed off your concerns..some of the things i thought about while i was in bangalore

1. i am going to try my best to set up this import export thing... have a really good contact and think i can do it

2.school.... well i have ambivalent feelings abt it, have to check out how long it is going to take, is it going to help me in my career path , is it worth the expenses, how much more am i going to learn etc etc

3.spinning.... want to take a class as an instructor.... will be fun and plus wont have to pay gym fees to work out :)

4.the thing u said the other day about me encroaching on ur space nagged me a bit.... wasnt totally comfortable with that...

plus so many random things like i want our house to be full of color... i want to go out and do things that i dont get an opportunity to do here.... want to travel want us to have a harmonious marriage....

with you i am happy... and i can be myself no pretences, totally let my guard down and know that i love you.... i never knew love could be so good or make me so happy..and funny now that i have put my thoughts down here i feel much much better :)

I love you more than you know....

in every pursuit we undertake, we aspire to perfection... but somewhere at the back of our minds, we know that perfection is just slightly out of our reach... perfection is that unachievable horizon which is supposed to motivate us to give our best, but something that is meant to be eternally elusive... it was with this philosophy that i embarked on the great task of finding my life partner... i knew she would be an awesome person, but never in my wildest dreams i could have imagind that I would meet someone so "perfect"... its almost euphoric to feel that perfect horizon is within your grasp, so, i am enjoying the high!

i see this horizon as much as the end of a big journey as the start of a new one... what lies ahead and the new horizons we set for ourseleves and explore together will undoubtedly be more exciting and fulfilling... i am really looking forward to spending my life with someone I love, trust, and respect...

i love you, pooj

surprise!!! guess i neglected to mention that i can access internet here... must also admit that my curiousity got the better of me and wanted to see what you had blogged so far...

in continuing with our conversation earlier... about marriage and stuff... i guess what it boils down to is this, you and me can obssess all about our space and insecurities bu what remains is the unavoidable fact that i love you more than anything and you me ... with that kind of thing going for us i guess everything is going to be easy...
i gurantee there are going to be rough times and i know for a fact that i can be a pain in the ass sometimes and i also know that there are going to be times when i will feel like throwing something at you but i also know that i love you more than anything else in this world..

this trip has been good for me since i have been able to put everything in perspective... maybe its the hunger pangs that have helped to clear my thinking :)... but i think that away from the wedding juggernaut i have been able to come to terms with what is happening, a solitary sojourn barring shreedhar kakas acerbic witticisms...